


I've Missed You

by There_Once_Was_A_Girl



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Backstory, Emma's explanation, Healthy Communication, I ship Kent Parson with a good Therapist, M/M, well... eventual healthy communication
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-13
Updated: 2016-10-13
Packaged: 2018-08-22 06:48:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8276609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/There_Once_Was_A_Girl/pseuds/There_Once_Was_A_Girl
Summary: Jack knew it was a mistake to fall for his best friend. He could tell anyone all the reasons why it was a horrible idea to have feelings for Kent Parson. He had listed them off to himself over and over again in attempt to prevent it from happening. Except that seemed to be impossible...Jack Zimmermann and Kent Parson have had a rocky past, and they both fucked up a lot with each other. They started as friends. This is my version of how they became something else, imploded and eventually got back to being friends again (This time with bonus Mental Health™!)





	

**Author's Note:**

> Okay y'all this is an angsty mess and is basically unedited and unbetaed. I'm pretty sure the tenses are a disaster, sorry. I just wanted to get this down and publish it. I just wanted to put what I think of Jack/Parse out there. 
> 
> As always I own nothing, all the credit goes to the amazing Ngozi! Especially for the direct quotes I have in there from the comics when Kent and Jack are arguing (from Parse part III).
> 
> Hope you enjoy it!

Jack knew it was a mistake to fall for his best friend. He could tell anyone all the reasons why it was a horrible idea to have feelings for Kent Parson. He had listed them off to himself over and over again in attempt to prevent it from happening. Except that seemed to be impossible, Kent was… Kent. He was incredible, and Jack couldn’t seem to stop his heart from beating a little faster when he was around. He couldn’t stop his chest from tightening when Kent smiled at him. It was a problem. So instead of not falling for Kent, Jack resigned himself to never having Kent. He had accepted that he would never have Kent. He would have liked to think that it made things easier. It didn’t, especially when Kent was lounging next to him on Jack’s bed. That was the problem with falling for your best friend, they were always there. 

“Zimms, you alright?” Kent asked, looking at him.

“Fine, just thinking?” Jack answered. That was the other problem. Kenny knew him way too well. Kent sat up.

“What you thinking about?” He asked, suddenly way too close. Jack couldn’t bring himself to move back. 

“You.” His mouth blurted before he could stop it. Kent smirked, looking pleased with himself. Jack wished he could sink into the depths of the earth and never return. 

“Is that so?” He asked. Jack could feel his breath on his cheek. “What about me?” 

“I don’t know.” Jack muttered, panicking internally. 

“Because it just so happens I was thinking about you too.” Kent said in a low voice that was destroying Jack. He was still way too close. Jack couldn’t find a response. Kent stared at him for a long moment, there was something like a challenge in his eyes but Jack couldn’t understand what it meant. Finally Kent shook his head. “God you’re so oblivious, Jack Zimmermann.” Then he leaned forward to close the few centimeters left between them. It took Jack a moment to realize that Kent was kissing him. It was fantastic, it was amazing, it was terrifying. 

“Kenny, what the hell?” He asked breathlessly when they finally split apart. 

“Are you honestly going to tell me that you didn’t want that as badly as I did?” Kent demanded. Jack shook his head weakly mind spinning way too fast for this. He wanted to ask what Kent meant exactly. Did Kent have feelings for him? What exactly was this? Except then Kent’s mouth crashed back into his and he stopped thinking for a while. 

The next morning Jack curled around Kent. He was too busy being shocked, panicking about possible repercussions and contemplating the concept of soulmates to notice that Kent basically ran when he left, or to think it odd that Kent didn’t kiss him goodbye. He was too busy freaking out about having a boyfriend to question that Kent was his boyfriend. Jack told himself that he would be able to handle this, being queer in hockey. He had Kent, they could handle this together. Being with Kent always made Jack feel like anything was possible on and off the ice. 

Kent did not want this. That was his first thought when he woke up next to Jack, that first time. He hadn’t meant to fall asleep, hadn’t meant to stay with Jack (well he was supposed to be spending the night with the Zimmermanns but he hadn’t meant to stay with Jack like This). It was supposed to be about getting Jack out of his system. It was supposed to be about sex. It was supposed to be about stopping the distracted weak feeling he got around Jack Zimmermann. It hadn’t worked. 

‘It’s fine.’ Kent told himself, ‘It just might take a few more rounds after all that was… wow.’ He would take what he could get, after all he had enjoyed himself. Good sex was good sex, it didn’t mean that he was in love with him after all. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jack was in love with Kent Parson. It was great. It wasn’t perfect, they could only be together when absolutely sure no one would ever know, but he still had Kent so everything was good. That was what Jack told himself, ignoring the way hiding made his chest hurt, ignoring the way his anxiety had been getting worse and worse. No. Things were good. Then they were at a party after one of their games. It had been a good game, Jack had been looking forward to celebrating with Kenny. Except he couldn’t find him. It was making him angry. Then he finally spotted Kent… Kent who was grinding on some guy. Jack’s first misguided thought was panic over how obvious Kent was being, he was going to get them outed. His second thought, the one that brought his world crashing down, was ‘That isn’t me.’ As he watched Kent grabbed the guys hand and dragged him out of the room. Jack stood frozen unable to breathe. 

Kent found him later, sitting outside on the curb, staring off into the distance. Jack, when he looked at Kent, noted numbly that Kent looked distinctly ruffled. He looked like he had just had sex. Jack knew what Kent looked like after sex, he was supposed to have been the only one who knew, except he wasn’t.

“What’s wrong dude?” Kent asked. Jack stared at him in disbelief. 

“Seriously?” He asked, his mind spinning, trying to figure out what he did wrong that Kent would cheat on him. Was he just not enough? 

“What this is about me hooking up with that guy? You’re mad at me?” Kent demanded. Jack didn’t answer. “Jack, I don’t know what you thought, but we aren’t dating. We hooked up a couple times, that doesn’t mean we’re exclusive. It’s all physical. You’re at perfect liberty to sleep with whoever you want and so am I.” The casual tone Kent used to rip Jack’s heart out made it so much worse. He was acting like this was nothing to him, like Jack was nothing to him. 

“Anyone but me.” Jack said quietly. Kent frowned. 

“What?” 

“You’re at perfect liberty to sleep with anyone but me.” Jack repeated. Kent nodded. 

“Alright, man. If that’s how you want to call it that’s cool, that’s fine. You’re still my best friend though Zimms.” He said casually. 

“Yeah, and you’re mine.” Jack muttered without emotion before standing up and walking away. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kent knew that he was fucking up by sleeping with that guy. When the guy had started dancing with him Kent had nearly pushed him away, feeling guilty, feeling like he should go find Jack. That thought scared him and pissed him off simultaneously. He and Jack weren’t together. He could do whatever he wanted. What right did Jack have making Kent feel guilty, making him feel tied down. Kent Parson didn’t belong to anyone but himself, and he was going to fucking prove it. He ignored the voice that reminded him he was going to hurt Jack, in favor of listening to the vindictive voice that pushed him to use this guy to feel in control of his life again. Afterwards he couldn’t stop himself from going to find Jack. He could see the way his words hit Jack like blows but he said them anyway. He told himself that if Jack had incorrect assumptions about their relationship that was Jack’s problem. 

Kent told himself he was fine with losing his sexual relationship with Jack. Except he wasn’t. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jack wished he could say he was strong enough to turn Kent down when the other boy cornered him in the locker room. He wished he could say that he scoffed when Kent murmured the words he’d been dying to hear. 

“I miss you, Zimms.” It hurt to hear and it broke the last of Jack’s resolve, or at least enough of it that he didn’t resist when Kent kissed him. 

“I missed you too, Kenny.” He breathed before leaning in to kiss Kent again. 

Falling back into the same patterns was easy. Being with Kent whenever he could was better than not having him at all, at least that was what Jack told himself. Even if it was just physical. So they kept on that way for a while. Jack trained himself not to care that Kent would sleep with other people from time to time. He couldn’t stop himself from caring when Kent was a dick about his anxiety though. 

“Stop, you’ve got your dad’s genes and his name! Everyone knows that you are going to be the next golden boy! What do you have to worry about?” Kent demanded 

“Fuck you.” Jack gasped. 

“Well I mean, if you want to switch it up.” Kent said, with a cruel tone and a smirk. 

“Get out of my house.” Jack spat. Kent slammed the door on his way of Jack’s room. 

Kent knew he stepped way over the line. He wanted to apologize, he wanted to tell Jack that he didn’t mean it, that he never wanted to hurt Jack. He never did. A darker more honest part of him wished he could tell Jack to run, because part of Kent did want to hurt him. There was a vicious part of Kent, the one that usually attacked himself, and it had decided that hurting Jack was just as good. Part of him knew Jack was fragile, and that part, the decent part wished that Jack had never met him. Instead he went back to Jack after a time, with the only truth he could admit aloud. 

“I miss you.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jack wished he could say he said no then, but he didn’t. He let Kent in again. He was too desperate for something, anything familiar and comforting. He’s too desperate for love and approval from anyone to care that Kent only wants something physical from him. It’s enough. When Kent kisses him it calms the whirlwind in his mind if only for a moment. It took him too long to realize that afterwards it was always worse than ever. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kent kept expecting Jack to finally say he’d had enough of Kent. To finally say that he can’t deal with it anymore. Part of him just wanted it to end, part of him just wanted to be with Jack. The mixture of the two resulted in this horrible cycle of them sleeping together for a while, Kent sabotaging it, Jack having a strong enough moment to try to end things, followed by those poisonous words “I miss you.” And Jack giving in. Over and over. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They were in one of their on stages of their on again off again when Jack overdosed. He knows better than to ever blame Kent for the way he was, but he’d be lying if he ever said that their relationship wasn’t a part of it. Jack hated himself for being so weak, for giving into Kent over and over again. He hated waiting, waiting every time for Kent to inevitably break his heart again. He was due for another heartbreak, except this time he was the one who broke. When he went to the hospital and rehab, he told his parents that he didn’t want to see Kent. He didn’t take his calls. Maybe it was cruel, maybe it was petty, but Jack just couldn’t handle seeing Kent. He was too terrified that he would be too weak again, that he would fall into the same patterns with Kent. Somehow the idea of that got tied into how bad everything was before. He swore he was never going back. He told himself that it wasn’t like he was being that horrible. It wasn’t like he and Kent were dating or anything. 

Somewhere along the line he had forgotten that they were supposed to be best friends. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Kent had heard about Jack’s overdose he had called every few minutes for hours. He tried to get into the hospital only to be told that only family members were allowed in. He wanted to scream that they needed to let him in. He needed to know that Jack was alright. Didn’t these people know?! Didn’t they understand that Jack was his… his best friend? Except that didn’t encompass everything they were to each other. Jack was… Jack wa his heart. That’s what it felt like, like he had had his heart torn out of his chest and now these goddamn nurses were keeping it hostage. 

It took losing Jack for Kent to realize how much he had always loved him. He couldn’t help feeling like if he could just get one more chance. If he could just get Jack back one more time, if he could just tell Jack, then maybe they could go back. The two of them could have been so good together. It could have been perfect if Kent hadn’t been such an idiot. He told himself that someday he was gonna make it right. Kent was going make up for his fuckups he was going to get Jack back. Kent got drafted, but he didn’t move on. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jack got better. It took a long time, it took rehab, and therapy, and Samwell but he got better bit by bit. He learned to love playing hockey again at Samwell. Slowly but surely he learned to love himself again, he learned to accept the love that Shitty and the others offered him, and realized that they didn’t want anything in return, Shitty didn’t care what Jack did for him, he just loved Jack because he did, because Jack was his best friend. 

“You’re a great friend, Shits.” Jack said one day. Shitty was sprawled on the other side of Jack’s bed fucking around on his phone while Jack studied. 

“Thanks man. You are a god amongst men. Why we complimenting each other?” 

“I just, I really appreciate you. I haven’t always had the greatest friends, I let people push me around, I was too weak to stand up to them. So this, I’m really glad I have this, now.” Jack managed. He was working on getting better at expressing emotions. Shitty sat up and looked at Jack seriously. 

“Listen to me, Brah. You are not weak. You are strong as fuck. You’ve got all this shit on you and you’re still here, you’re still fighting. So maybe you were at a low point, and dickheads took advantage, but you weren’t down there because you were weak, you were down there because you were being attacked by your own brain. Surviving that shit takes someone hella strong.” He said. “You got that?” Jack nodded, not quite able to speak, knowing that if he did his voice would break. Shitty nodded satisfied and flopped back down. 

“So what do you think of Bitty?” Shitty asked, casually changing the subject. Jack wasn’t sure whether Shitty did it on purpose knowing that Jack had no idea how to respond to that or if he just didn’t realize how much that statement meant to Jack. One way or another Jack was endlessly grateful for Shitty. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jack was starting to feel like he could properly move on. He had had a few relationships but nothing that was all that serious, but now… Bitty. Jack attended his first kegster since Freshman year just so he could hang out with Eric Bittle. It had been going so well right up until Kent fucking Parson showed up. 

“Hey Zimms. Didja miss me?” And all Jack’s happiness flew from the room. 

Jack shouldn’t have brought Kent back up to his room to talk but he couldn’t have this conversation down in the middle of the party. He couldn’t have this conversation anywhere near Bitty. Except Kent seemed to take that as permission to kiss him. 

“Kenny... I can’t do this.” Jack insisted, pushing him away. He wasn’t the guy he used to be. He wasn’t that weak anymore, he wasn’t going to go running back to Kent ever again. The thought of going to Las Vegas, playing for the Aces, having Kent to thank for it filled his stomach with dread. He couldn’t imagine a worse way to start his career. It made him angry enough to start yelling back. 

“You don’t just come to my fucking school unannounced-” He started. 

“Because you shut me out!” Kent tried to interrupt. 

“And corner me in my room-” 

“I’m trying to help!”

“And expect me to do whatever you want-” Jack snapped. He wasn’t that guy anymore. He refused to be.

“Fuck Jack! What do you want me to say? That I miss you? I miss you okay?” Kent burst out. Jack turned away. He knew those words. He wasn’t going to let those words hurt him ever again. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I miss you…”

Kent knew as soon as he said it that he had chosen the exact wrong words. Still he couldn’t stop himself from leaning towards Jack, clinging to his shirt. 

“You always say that.” Jack said, his voice broken but full of anger. Kent knew then, knew that Jack wasn’t ever coming back to him. He had fucked it all up. He was never getting his second chance. Something angry sprang up in his chest and the hateful words spewed from his lips before he could stop them. 

“Huh-- Well, shit. Okay… You know what Zimmermann you think you’re too fucked up to care about? That you’re not good enough? Everyone already knows what you are, but it’s people like me who still care.” Kent knows Jack better than almost anyone. He knows the insecurities that haunt Jack Zimmermann’s darkest nightmares and he’s playing into all of them, ignoring Jack’s desperate ‘Shutup!’ 

“You’re scared everyone else is going to find out you’re worthless, right? Oh, don’t worry, just give it a few seasons, Jack. Trust me.” He practically spat the last words. He knows what is sounds like, what his tone makes it. In his heart part of him screams that in a few seasons Jack will have proved anyone who ever thought him worthless wrong, but as always when he was with Jack that better part of him is drowned out. He’s not surprised when Jack throws him out. He had always been waiting for Jack to finally be done with him. Apparently he had finally reached that point. 

Kent left the Haus holding back tears. He had come to the realization that he and Jack just brought out the absolute worst in each other. He vowed to avoid Jack from now on. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It wasn’t until he finally got together with Bitty that Jack finally realized how fucked up his relationship with Kent really was. Bitty made him feel loved, he made him feel safe and calm. When Jack was with Bitty he never had to wonder about what Bitty might be thinking. If it was important Bitty just told him. They were honest with each other, their relationship was all about supporting each other, building each other up, rather than the constant competition, the constant challenge and manipulation that he had experienced with Kent. 

Jack loved Bitty more than anything. He did everything he could to be completely honest with him, even when Bitty asked about Kent. 

“We only hooked up a few times in Juniors.” Jack told him. “It was all physical really.” It was what he had been telling himself for years. It felt like the truth. After all he would never lie to Bits. Never. No matter what, Jack wasn’t looking forwards to facing Kent on the ice. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Avoiding Jack was impossible when it came to hockey. Kent dreaded it more than anything. He should have known that it would end badly. It did too. They were both too desperate to win against each other, to prove themselves. Except Jack swept past Parse like he was nothing and it hurt. Kent knew then that he couldn’t lose not to Jack Fucking Zimmermann. Still, taking out the goalie was a dick move and he knew it. His need to beat Jack always brought out the worst in him. The scrum that followed was bad, and when Mashkov literally lifted him up by the back of his jersey with one hand Kent saw his life flash before his eyes. Except then a familiar face appeared in front of him. 

“Tater, put him down.” Jack said calmly. He looked upset about the loss but not crushed, not broken the way Kent knew he would have been if he lost to Zimms.

“He is a rat, Zimbonni.” Mashkov protested. Jack shook his head. 

“Snowy’s fine, Kent was moving fast and couldn’t stop.” He said. Tater reluctantly shrugged and set Kent on the ice. 

“Work on Sportsmanship, Parson.” He said gruffly. 

“Sure, man.” Kent said, doing his best to sound like he wasn’t terrified. Jack pulled him away from Mashkov

“Sorry about Tater. He gets defensive of Snowy, our goalie is injury prone.” Jack said. “Good game, Kenny. I’ll get you next time eh?” with that he clapped Kent on the shoulder and headed off the ice. 

Kent stared after Jack. Jack had grown up. He was a good guy and a good hockey player. He was stable, more stable than Kent. That stung. It was a horrible thing, but Kent had gotten used to Kent being the normal one the stable one, and Jack was the one fighting demons. Seeing Jack in a good place when Kent was still such a mess made him wonder if he had ever really been normal, or if he just hadn’t been as bad before. One way or another it was time to do something about it. He had no idea where to start though. 

It took Kent meeting four therapists before he found one that he didn’t want to choke. They were all so condescending or thought that they knew him just because of a few stupid things. Dr Lauren James was different. 

“Come in, sit down.” She said waving him into her office. It was a nice place, less impersonal than some of the offices he had seen lately. “Okay, starting off, I just need to know what you’re preferred pronouns are and what you’d like me to call you.” 

“He, him, his. Call me Kent.” He answered. 

“Alright. For me, she, her, hers, you can call me Lauren or Dr. James, whatever you are more comfortable with. I am thirty four years old, I am unmarried, but my girlfriend and I just got engaged. I have two dogs, both rescues, both mutts, they are my children basically I will talk about them. I am obsessed with all things DC, been a comic nerd since I was a kid.”

“Not Marvel?” Kent asked, surprised. 

“Marvel is overrated. Come on, Green Lantern.” She answered. Kent laughed. 

“Oh I agree, for sure, just surprised.” he said. She smiled. 

“Alright, what else. I lost my brother fifteen years ago, Suicide. He felt alone, I blamed myself for a long time. It’s why I chose my profession.”

“Why are you telling me all of this?” Kent asked. 

“So you know me, at least a little. Everyone starts by asking you to tell us about you, I wanted to say just a little bit about me.” She told him. “But what about you, what do I need to know to know you?” She asked. 

“I’m a fucking Diva.” Kent answered, not realizing it was what he was going to say until he said it. He chuckled. “I am though. Britney Spears is basically my idol, but I think I’ve hit 2007 Britney and I need to fix it. I’ve got a cat. I named him Kit Purrson and I love him a fuck ton. I named my cat after me. I’m really self centered. I’ve hurt a lot of people I think, I lash out, against them against myself, and I don’t want to be this way anymore.” 

“What made you decide to come here?” She asked. 

“Jack Laurent Zimmermann.” Kent answered honestly. She raised her eyebrows. “How much do you know about hockey?”

“I know you play for the Aces, and that you’re good. I heard something about a Zimmermann that you two had history, that’s about it.” Lauren answered. 

“Well, to understand me, you’re gonna need to understand Jack Zimmermann and to understand Zimms, you’re gonna need to know more about hockey…” Kent started

It took a long time and Kent knows if the old Kent had known earlier how hard it would be to get better, he wouldn’t have even tried. But in the end, it’s so so worth it. In the end kent still isn’t anywhere close to perfect, but for the first time since he was a kid, Kent was actually happy. He knew though, that there was something he had to do before he could ever really move on. Which is why he found himself standing on Jack Zimmerman’s doorstep. When he knocked he heard a brief argument. 

“It’s Kent Parson!” Called someone he didn’t recognize. 

“Let him in.” Jack answered. 

“Give me one good reason why I should let that-” 

“Bits, you don’t have to protect me from, Kent.” Jack interrupted. The door swung open and Kent was greeted by a small southern boy he remembered seeing at Samwell when he went to see Jack. 

“Eric, right?” Kent asked. 

“Kent Parson.” Eric said in a voice that was honestly frightening. It was the voice of someone who would smile as they murdered you and then bake a pie to bring to your funeral so they could say what a horrible shame it was that you had died. 

“Can I come in?” Kent asked, trying not to flinch away from the tiny bond boy. 

“Yes,” Jack said appearing behind Eric, his hair dripping. He must have just gotten out of the shower. “To what do we owe the pleasure Kent?” 

“Pleasure?” Eric muttered in disbelief. Jack shot him a look. 

“I uh- I wanted to talk to you, Jack. We have a lot of shit in our past, and I have a lot of apologies to make.” Kent admitted nervously. 

“You don’t have to. I’ve moved on.” Jack said honestly. 

“I know, but it took me a long time to do the same, and I want to talk this out. We never did, Jack. We never talked about it, not really, and I need to if only for my own peace of mind. You don’t have to say a damn word if you don’t want, but I need to get it all out there. I think it’ll really help me and Lauren agreed so here I am.” 

“Lauren?” Jack asked. 

“My therapist.” Kent answered softly. Jack smiled. 

“That’s good.” He sounded proud. “Of course we can talk, Kenny. I owe you more than one apology as well.” 

“Alright… wow, honestly I don’t know if I was expecting to get this far.” Kent laughed. 

“Come on, let’s sit down, I have a feeling this is gonna take a while.” Jack said waving Kent into the living room. “Is it cool if Bitty stays?” He asked. 

“He your boyfriend?” Kent asked. Jack nodded mildly. Bitty stared at Jack. 

“It’s fine, Bits. Kent won’t out us.” Jack promised. 

“Never!” Kent yelped. “Thanks for trusting me. I’m happy for you Jack, really. I hope he’s good to you.” 

“He is.” Jack agreed, pulling on Bitty’s hand gently so he would sit next to him. Bitty gave up and sat down, trying and failing to continue to look huffy. 

“Better than you ever were.” Bitty muttered. 

“I’m sure that’s true.” Kent laughed. “Good for you guys, really the both of you.” He said. 

“Thanks.” Jack said with a smile. Bitty just nodded. Kent couldn’t blame him. 

“So here’s the thing, Jack. I was an absolute asshole to you.” He started. “When we were in juniors you had feelings for me right?” 

“Yes.” Jack admitted after a long moment, glancing guiltily at Bitty. “I spent a long time afterwards trying to convince myself that I didn’t. I pretty much did. I told myself that it was all physical. But yes I had feelings for you. I was in love with you, Kent.” 

“I’m sorry.” Kent said, it was hard to hear it confirmed. “I think I knew it too, but I was so damn scared of the way you made me feel to ever admit it. I told myself that you were just a fling. The problem was, I was always so jealous of you. I couldn’t understand how bad you were hurting, how much you were struggling when I thought you were just so lucky to be born the perfect hockey prince. I was jealous, and I was selfish. I didn’t want anyone but me to have control over me, so I never admitted to myself that I had feelings for you. Except I kept getting close, and then lashing out and hurting you, hurting us both, because I was scared. It was horrible. It was toxic. I wish I could say I didn’t know I was doing it but I did. You brought out the absolute worst in me because of how jealous I was, how bitter and afraid. The worst in me is really bad. It took until I nearly lost you that I realized how much I loved you. But then you shut me out, you wouldn’t talk to me. I was in a bad place and somehow I became fixated on you. Like if I could just talk to you again, convince you to give me another chance, that I loved you, that then we could just go back and none of this horrible shit would have played out. Like that was the only way I could be happy.” He took a deep breath. “And I tried, I went to see you at Samwell, to try to convince you to take me back. And I said the exact worst thing. You shut me out again, and I just couldn’t take it. I couldn’t handle it. So I said the worst things I could think of, because I knew how to hurt you. I’m so sorry for that Jack. It was inexcusable. I’m sorry for all of it. Then we played against each other and I realized you were in a good place, you were okay, and I really wasn’t. I had never moved on. It was… it was all kinds of fucked up, all of it, and I’m sorry. I just needed you to know that. I needed you to know that I am sorry and that I don’t hold anything that happened back then against you anymore.” 

“Kenny I-” Jack started and then swallowed. “Thank you. For what it’s worth. I stopped being angry with you a long time ago. We were young, we both brought out the worst in each other. It was too easy for me to break for you. It was too easy for me to become a hockey robot around you. To be whoever you needed, and that was toxic of me. I am sorry for shutting you out after my overdose. It wasn’t okay. You were my friend, my best friend no matter what else we were to each other, you deserved at least a phone call. But I got so tied up in it all, like if I let you back into my life then I would go straight back to where I had been. That’s bullshit, I know it now, but back then I was so scared. It wasn’t okay. I forgot, in all the heartbreak and everything else, I forgot to be your friend. I’m sorry.” 

“It’s okay. It really is. You’re right. We were kids, fucked up kids who had no idea how to cope. We hurt each other, but that’s over. It’s okay.” Kent agreed. It was the truth. 

“Are we actually good then?” Jack asked in disbelief. Kent laughed. 

“Yeah, I think we are. First time in like a decade, but yeah.” He agreed. 

“Hey, Kent?” Jack asked. 

“Yeah?” 

“Can we be friends again?” Jack asked. “Because to be honest, I’ve missed you.”

**Author's Note:**

> And then they become friends again! And maybe Jack introduces Kent to Tater properly and they get together or some shit, that's a whole other fic
> 
> Thanks for reading everyone! If you want to drop me a comment you will make my day! Thanks!


End file.
